Long Distance Relationships

Qualification : In a long distance relationship for over 15 months.

Long Distance Relationships (LDR) are not so rare phenomenon nowadays, thanks to the advent of modern communication. But they are still taxing on E.Q. Here I offer a guide to make your LDR's more successful. I have written primarily in a male point of view, but the fairer sex may too find this interesting. Most of the advice comes from my personal experience, my pals, my partner, similar blogs and articles. Some of the content is borrowed.

Few things you should realize about LDR's

• They are not for the faint of heart!! Love sickness is what I dread the most
  
  
• They require far more commitment than a proximal relationship.
  
  
• There will be doubt in your hearts, have faith, and they would vanish the next moment!

The pros of LDR's

• You may not agree....but I think you get to know your partner much better when in a LDR, rather than a proximal relationship. Those countless hours over IM and the comfort of writing (over actually speaking) can make the conversations much more intimate, especially in the initial phase of a relationship.
  
  
• The romance and excitement hardly ever dies, cuz its so rare!!! Absence makes the heart grow fonder!
  
  
• Much less pressure to carry out your daily routines and chores.
  
  
• For the more flirts, other girls find it cute for you to be engaged in a LDR. They think you're really sweet and romantic. Unfortunately, this bonus dissipates once you try take advantage of it!!
  

The cons of LDR's (Get ready! Here I go)

• Love sickness - see below.
  
  
• Lack of faith.
  
  
• Taxing on your emotional health
  
  
• Taxing on your phone budget

"Whenever you feel a warm breeze brush against you, that's the kiss I blew to you."

General Tips::

• Their are two types of relationships - casual and serious. LDR's are not for the former ones, at least not in long run. Physical attraction is not enough to bear the relationship. One thing you should do is always have talks about the future. You (I mean you both!) need to plan, don't expect a miracle to happen. Don't expect that things will automatically fall in place. You both need something to hope for... talk about the future plans (depending on your age and relationship level). I have seen LDRs that tend to remain LDR forever!!!
  
  
• And of course we have all the modern technology at our disposal to help us out. IM and e-mail are good, but the classic phone could never run out of business. Get yourself a good calling card or bill plan, cuz Writing can never replace Verbal communication. Also you have skype at your disposal, and we have VoIP and also the web cam/audio chats. Man!! I wonder how would I have survived in the good old days of snail-mail!!
  
  
• One thing I find quite helpful is to insert one-or-two days of no communication in between. They really help.... The steam gets hotter... The pressure rises... And finally it blows BOOOM!!!! Though the explosion is more creative rather than devastating.
  
  
• Send a hand-written love-letter every now-and-then. And make sure to add a lovely scent to it. Also bump your electronic letters by actually writing them on paper, scanning and then mailing them, instead of typing in the boring fonts.
  
  
• Watch out for a lot of skepticism.... People would constantly tell you how LDR's don't work at all. Don't listen to them.. Listen to me... They work a lot... and they rock!!!
  
  
• Try to keep in sync with your partner's activities. Synchronize your alarm time, breakfast time, Study time, Hobbies, Bed time etc. etc. Believe me...its awesome to watch the same movie while talking over phone (of course through a calling card in my case!! Your case depends on your phone budgets!! ), or even SMS. Be aware of the fact that one may be busy in work/studies and other maybe coping with love-sickness.
  
  
• One of the hardest part comes when one gets a little too busy. When you are the busy-bee, take care to inform your partner in advance. If you happen to be the oh-not-so-busy one, just hang around, have patience, and be understanding!!

"I know I can't be there, Baby, it's alright, I'll be waiting for you tonight. I pray that you'll be there, when I close my eyes, meet me in my dreams tonight."

Specific Topics:


Love-sickness

It's an awful feeling, which persons in LDR would certainly feel at some point or other. The science tells me that its related to 'oxytocin, the 'hormone of love'. Science may not be savvy enough to explain why fools fall in love.

To cope with love-sickness ( I still have a hard time doing that!!!)

1.) Keep yourselves busy!
2.) Have a good sleep!

That's all



Keeping the fuel burning :

New-love is often related to certain hormones including serotonin, testosterone etc. etc. but they usually die out after a few months. When infatuation fades, researchers believe oxytocin, or "the hormone of love," is the fuel that keeps the red fires burning in long-term relationships.

Damn it! I am getting to science again. Ok, I vow to keep science out of this. All I wanna say is have faith, and keep dripping the fuel.

LDRs can and will test you and your partner; you need to trust him/her entirely as paranoia can play a major part in the demise of your relationship. Also, these kinds of relationships can bring a lot of disappointment and heartache--depending on the time you spend away from each other it is VERY important that if you want this relationship to work you must make a great effort not to drift apart.

Long distance relationships are difficult, as you are emotionally attached to a person you cannot touch or comfort (hug, kiss, hold hands etc. etc.), and this can hurt your heart and wreak havoc with your emotions. The only way to make these relationships work is if you and your partner honestly believe you will be able to survive without each other for a considerable amount of time without the need or desire to be with someone else.


Being Good at Phone (Basic Advice)

• Girls/Women hate it when you talk all about yourself.
• Stop reading stories and telling stupid jokes (one or two per conservation is ok, just don't make it a laugh riot!)
• Be attentive, it's better to call back when you are free, then talking half-heartily.
• If you are budget-conscious like me, get a calling card.

Avoiding nasty temptations

Men will be men! Of course!! And when in LDR you can be tempted easily. Some things you wanna note:

• Tell your friends from the opposite sex that you have a girlfriend/boyfriend. At least that stops most of the temptations from the other side. I am not asking you to tell all the girls/guys in your circle, just the good friends!!
  
  
• Get those feelings vicariously. Watch/Read love-stories.
  
  
• People often say not to compare. But whenever I meet a girl, I start comparing her with my partner. With the obvious biased mind I have, most temptations melt away.
  
  
• Keep yourself busy!!
  
  
• Don't hide these feelings with your partner, it would only increase her/his trust, if you confess. And if she/he confesses them to you, just don't be a green-eyed monster, its mostly biological!!
  
  

"When you miss me just look up to the night sky and remember, I'm like a star; sometimes you can't see me, but I'm always there."

Some romantic ideas:

• If you both are interested, play multiplayer online games. My favs are Hearts, 3d-pool, Poker. just google search, and you will get them.
  
  
• Make a creative countdown and mail it to your partner to enjoy until you see each other next. For example, create a photo calendar, with something you add for each day to describe what you love about them.
  
  
• Of course! get a webcam!!!
  
  
• Watch a movie together. I mean individually yet together. You get the idea don't you??
  
  
• Or read a book!! Though I myself hate books and reading, if its not cosmology !!!
  
  

"We are the perfect couple, we're just not in the perfect situation"

Towards the end...lemme give you some statistics:

How far apart do they live?
Average: 125 miles
My case: 1002 miles!!!!
95% range: 30 miles to 950 miles

How often do they visit one another?
Average: 1.5 times a month
My case: Over 5 months :-((
95% range: once a week to once every four months

How often do they call one another?
Average: once every 2.7 days
My case: Once-Twice a day
95% range: at least once a day to once a month

How long are their telephone calls typically?
Average: 30 minutes
My case: 1 min to 1 hour (depends!!!! )
95% range: 2 minutes to 1 hour 20 minutes

How long do they expect to be separated before they can move closer?
Average: 14 months
My case: Hmmm...15 months till now, 48 months in college.....forget it! I am not even trying to count!!
95% Range: one month to four years

She and I had a pretty long talk session over IM last night. My eyes were straining so I wanted a little break. When I came back....guess what...she was asleep on her desk...with the webcam still on. Imagine...seeing your beloved sleeping like a baby from over 1000 miles. I cannot describe it. I assumed her speaker were on. I plugged in my mic... and said to her, "Hello gorgeous", in the most passionate of my tones....Soon I got sound of a kiss
through my speakers. It was then I felt how mortal I am!!!!!!